I'm GoInG tO pArTy LiKe It'S 1999!!!

I am overwhelmed with Joy....What?!? I can hear the shock from the crowds. Brittney overwhelmed with Joy..?!?! Well you would be to....if....
After almost five years Mr and Mrs Thompson are finally not going to have 9 am Church.
I know you can boo me later...Im sure most of you thought I was announcing Parenthood for the Thompsons.
But....
This is almost just as huge!
See Morgan and I have had 9 o'clock church sense we were first married. By moving twice and then to a ward that never changed. There was only one ward in the building and they liked 9am church. (Kelly let us both have a moment of silence for the Belvedere Ward.)
And then we moved into our ward now which was 9 am and has been for the last year. So...overwhelmed with JoY!
I'm GoInG tO pArTy LiKe It'S 1999!!!
Now if I could just make some friends in my new ward so I can socialize with other people besides Morgan. (No offense Morgie, Your Hot) Britt just needs some friends!

Today is a new day!

I just wanted to let you all know that I am still with you all and did not get committed or walk into on-coming traffic. With the help of a couple very dear friends...I came to my realization and my New Years Resolution. What is...IS!
The fact that good and bad people around me get to have babies and I don't...haS nothing to do with me. Do I still get sad? Yes! Am I still jealous of other people and there fertility? Hell Yes! Will I still remind pregnant women to shut-up and stop complaining? You better believe it!
I am though going to take my couple of minutes to be sad and then really try to be positive. I was really sad though all weekend and could just not figure out why.
Not being a Mom is something that I only I can deal with. I am the only one who lives in my head (well that's up for discussion) I can only tell myself how to feel.
So for my New Years Resolution I am going to try really hard to be positive!
I should tell you this....
Monday going to work I was so upset but hid my feelings pretty well. And then tuesday I looked at my cute friend who I see as a sister and thought...What am I upset about. So I gave her a big hug (We both cried) I told her I loved her and that I was here for her. I felt so great after! Letting my hurt feelings go had never made me feel better! I told her that I think I am a very strong person. I have been on this rollar coaster for almost FIVE years and I always bounce back. Once again the brick wall....I can take the beating. I Think.....
Well now that all of that is said....
I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND SUCKERS!
LOVE LOVE LOVE

Feeling out your emotions

I feel guilty sometimes when I sit down to write these blogs. I sometimes want to just tell myself to shut up! Blogging to me is therapy and the people who comment on my blog are really wonderful people! So I feel like I am sitting in a room with a group of friends venting my emotions.
So Anyway....
I should not even be writing this but its my blog and I can write about any damn thing I want. A dear friend of mine who I work with and have known sense the was 16. I trained her and think of her like a little sister. Well she texted me friday night and announced to me that she and her boyfriend were having a baby. I was devastated! I have cried more over this then I did when we had our last failed placement. I couldn't respond to her TEXT and nor did I go to our office party that was the night after. She said, "I know you will be happy for me." I'm not happy for her!
I am a bitter ugly angry person again. I know that I have been fighting it for a couple of months hoping that this side of me would not re-surface but she has!
I am hurt and the tears keep running down my face. I want so badly to have the compassion for her that I know she deserves. How hard this must have been for her. But I can only seem to dwell on my own selfish feelings.
Yesterday instead of counting my blessings I screamed at my husband. Almost the whole day! I was a person who I hate! A person that I do not want to be. I am that girl again who cried every month going to the Doctors to be told that all the meds were not working. The person who layed on a table half dressed while I listened thru the paper thin walls of the couple hearing the heart beat for the first time and just crying!
I am back to my scary dark bitter side!
So my husband asks me what he can do for me? I wish I knew! I wish I was a stronger person. I wish with 100% of my whole heart that I could just forget about being a Mom and MOVE ON! Like accept the cards that have been dealt to me....and play the damn game of life!
And...I have to go to work tomorrow and I don't know how to act or what to say? How am I going to do this without walking outside into on-coming traffic?

The Tree

Ladies and Gentleman....My Christmas tree! I am actually really proud of this tree. The idea started at a dental meeting I went to in Las Vegas in October. It was right after the Adoption Saga and I needed to keep my mind busy so I wouldn't dwell on The Brick Wall. So during this meeting I found my mind straying so I decided to sketch. I started sketching some ideas about making my tree out of paper. I had wanted to do this last year but just never got around to it. I was so excited to have a project to fill my time with.
I am super excited because it turned out better then I had imagined.

So now my tree is up, my shopping and wrapping is done. I can just relax and enjoy the holidays! I Love Christmas!

This wreathe took me the longest! It was totally worth it though. I am thinking of making another one after Christmas to hang on my door. If anyone is interested....Let me know.

This is just my centerpiece on my coffee table. I did not spend any money on this. The ornaments are what I usually use as well as the ribbon. And I have a TON of pine cones from my cousins wedding that I use every now and then. Thanks Jody for all of the pine cones. They have come in handy many times!

CoMiNg SoOn....

Pictures of my Christmas Tree. I made ALL of the ornaments from paper. It took me a total of probably 3 days...IT WAS SO WORTH IT! I am in love with the way it turned out. Pictures coming soon!