Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I {heart} adoption

For a long time now I have been trying to put my feelings into words. Every time I words just feel in adequate. To say that I heart adoption seems not strong say that adoption has changed my life...sounds better!
When Morgan and I were trying to conceive a child with the help of drugs (not even the good kind), doctors, blah blah...adoption was the furthest from my mind. I would actually get so offended when people would say that to me.
When we FINALLY, and I say finally because it took me far to long, FINALLY turned it over to the Lord...we realized Adoption was going to be our path. It was like Heavenly Father smacked me on the back of my head and said it was about time. The two years we waited for our baby we went on quite the roller coaster. Even leading up to his birth was hard. Even though our birth mom never gave me one indication that she was changing her mind...I still was nervous. I had reason to be...I had two failed placements under my belt. I knew the dark side of adoption....I had experienced it. The day Gavin was born we went over to my Mom and Dads house on the way home from the hospital to show them pictures...and my Mom said to me, "I don't think you should adopt again. I dont know if I can take it." I said to her, "Mom, wait until you meet him. He was totally worth it."
And that explains it best....He was worth every bad day, every tear, every doubt...He was so worth it!

On really bad days I would call my caseworker MaryAnne and cry to her...and she would tell me that this will all be worth it. She was totally right. Before Gavin came I was at times a bitter and mean person. I was the person people hated to share happy news with. I could never go to baby showers and baby blessings...and if I did I would be fighting back the tears waiting until I could get my car and get the hell out of there. Gavin and the miracle of adoption has mended my heart! I say mended because I still get a little sad when women get pregnant so easily but now that sadness only lasts a second and then I cuddle my sweet baby! The baby I know I held in the pre-existence and put my faith in Heavenly Father to make sure he got to me.
So would I do it again...if the result was as Awesome as Gavin....I totally would! I would do it all over again and wait double the amount of time. I love that baby more then I ever thought I could. I don't take one day for granted. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face so excited to see my little man! And the very very best part is that he is just as excited to see me!!