Sunday, March 22, 2009

How much can you take?

Yesterday Morgan and I went to see a movie and when we were leaving I checked my phone. It was 6:33pm Sat. There were 5 text messages, missed calls and voice mails. I am never that popular! Three of the missed calls were from LDS Family Services. I immediately felt a rush of emotion and started crying. Checked my voice mail and it was from Tammy the supervisor at LDSFS. She needed me to call her back ASAP! I called her back and she said she had a question about our profile...OK...I thought. Answered her question and the she said. Well in that case...A Birth Mom has picked you as her #1 couple and she wants to place her baby. I asked when she was due and she said she didnt want to tell me yet. She would call the birth mom and call me back as soon as she knew more. I heard nothing last night and did not sleep. This morning at 8:45am Tammy called and gave me more info. The birth mom had delievered her baby yesterday morning. No one in her family knew she was even pregnant. I was heartbroken for her that she had to go thru that alone! She was supposed to have called Tammy by 8. Tammy said she would call us as soon as she heard something. Called again at 12:30pm and said that the birth Mom had told her family and they had talked her out of placing. Which was something that we knew. Knowing her culture, we knew that if the family found out most likely she would not place. So she had decided to Parent the baby.
My feelings right now are almost numb! I feel like Heavenly Father is protecting me from my own feelings. It was such a whirlwind of a night. Morgan and I were praying that no matter what happened we and the birth mom would be ok. I knew this would happen sometime or other but I am just asking myself how much of this I can take. This constant roller coaster that I am on.
What does the Lord have in store in for us? I am so aware of how much he knows me. I have felt him so much in my life lately. He has swept me up in his Arms as well as my Savior.
I am just writing this because it is therepy. To put it out to the world. I know some of you know exactly what I am going thru. And others try! Please do not leave any comments. Please just keep Morgan and I in your thoughts and prayers.