I just wanted to Thank those of you sent me texts to my phone! When I asked that no one leave comments I did not mean that to be mean. It is just sometimes hard to hear what people want to tell you. I am sure everyone can relate to this.
I am just so amazed when people find out that you are going thru something terrible, they think it is there responsibility to give you advice. (Especially some of my patients!) When I am going thru something really crappy I just want someone who loves me to tell me, "You know what, that really sucks!" "I love you and I'm sorry!"
I am feeling much better and I am not as sad as I was on Monday and Yesterday. I didnt expect to be as sad as I was. My caseworker called me on tuesday to ask how we were doing. She said that I should be said, because it was a loss. I should be sad and then try not to be sad. I needed to hear that. She said take a couple of days!
I know one day I will look back at this time and be in shock to how my life has changed. And I have been the one telling friends this very thing. Its just hard to live it!

How much can you take?

Yesterday Morgan and I went to see a movie and when we were leaving I checked my phone. It was 6:33pm Sat. There were 5 text messages, missed calls and voice mails. I am never that popular! Three of the missed calls were from LDS Family Services. I immediately felt a rush of emotion and started crying. Checked my voice mail and it was from Tammy the supervisor at LDSFS. She needed me to call her back ASAP! I called her back and she said she had a question about our profile...OK...I thought. Answered her question and the she said. Well in that case...A Birth Mom has picked you as her #1 couple and she wants to place her baby. I asked when she was due and she said she didnt want to tell me yet. She would call the birth mom and call me back as soon as she knew more. I heard nothing last night and did not sleep. This morning at 8:45am Tammy called and gave me more info. The birth mom had delievered her baby yesterday morning. No one in her family knew she was even pregnant. I was heartbroken for her that she had to go thru that alone! She was supposed to have called Tammy by 8. Tammy said she would call us as soon as she heard something. Called again at 12:30pm and said that the birth Mom had told her family and they had talked her out of placing. Which was something that we knew. Knowing her culture, we knew that if the family found out most likely she would not place. So she had decided to Parent the baby.
My feelings right now are almost numb! I feel like Heavenly Father is protecting me from my own feelings. It was such a whirlwind of a night. Morgan and I were praying that no matter what happened we and the birth mom would be ok. I knew this would happen sometime or other but I am just asking myself how much of this I can take. This constant roller coaster that I am on.
What does the Lord have in store in for us? I am so aware of how much he knows me. I have felt him so much in my life lately. He has swept me up in his Arms as well as my Savior.
I am just writing this because it is therepy. To put it out to the world. I know some of you know exactly what I am going thru. And others try! Please do not leave any comments. Please just keep Morgan and I in your thoughts and prayers.

Back to Reality

Morg and I got back super late last night from San Francisco. We had so much fun! I will download some of our pictures soon. I just wanted to shout out this little note that I thought of this morning.
At the airport they announce what level we are for a terrorist attack or a security level. Well we were an orange yesterday for those who did not know that. I thought to myself today that as a in-fertile person I should have one of those monitors. This would be a tremendous help to my husband and family. Because I constantly feel like I am on a roller coaster. For example...I spent the last 3 days wrapped up in my husband. We saw a beautiful new city, shopped, ate....tore that city up. I did not think once about babies, lack of babies, adoption, birth moms. And as I found myself looking out the window to our park across the street I was right back on that rollar coaster.
So to have a monitoring system would be awesome! I could just tell my husband that I am a leval Green today. And he would know what to do, what to say and how to act.

Spring Break!

Morg and I are flying to San Francisco on Monday. Does anyone have any tips on places to go while we are there? Places to Shop, Eat or just See! Let Me Know!

love Love LOVE...

Our New Caseworker!
When we first started the process at LDSFS we were assigned to Kim, we only have love for Kimberly. But she had no go have herself a baby so we got assigned to Shannon. Shannon was a nice person but I had nothing in common with her. I was pretty bummed about the whole process! Well Shannon was re-assigned and now we are with MaryAnne! She came today for our Home Study. We needed to have a new one because of the recent move. All I can say is that in one point of the conversation, I have no clue what we were talking about. She said, "Kick there Trash!" It was then I knew it was love at first sight!
So Kimmie Baby I love you but I am finally over the loss of you choosing me over that little baby! (I would dump me for a little baby)
I heart MaryAnne!

Blog Spotlight

I have not really been on top of these as I would have liked! So for my next spotlight...
Megan...My sista!
I wanted to spotlight my sister because she is having an exciting year! Megan and her long time boyfriend Levi are getting married June 19th. I am so excited for them! Levi is a good match for my sister and they make me laugh. Megan is so excited to me the proud Mama of Lexi and Riley (Levis Dogs).
On Friday night my sister went to the dreaded grocery store for me. I was so shocked that she actually volunteered. Because who in there right mind would volunteer that.
When we were growing up Megan and I would fight so so much! My Mom would always tell me that I should be nice because my friends are going to come and go but I will always have my sister. Well she was not kidding. My sister is one of my Best Friends! She makes me laugh and is always fun to have around. I love the relationship Morgan and Megan have and I am so grateful she is my sister.
Meg I am so excited for all of the things you are going to do this year and I know you will be a Great wife and Mom (One day). Levi is a Super Lucky guy to have you! And I will do my best to convince him not to smash cake in your face.

Well here they are...I love our new little house! I cant wait to show you all of my projects that I have planned for this place. So stay tuned!

My empty room! My niece Peighton who is 4 will tell you..."This is for when they get a baby!"

Our little office which is a mess! Morgan right in the middle of a big dumb project!

Our 2nd upstairs bathroom. Kind of college style but will come in handy some day!

My linen closet! I have never had a linen closet so I am going to brag it up!

Our bathroom! Which is also in some need of some big time help!

Our BORING bedroom! It is so big and so EMPTY!
This is our stairs! I get really excited that I actually have stairs and they are not outside!
This is looking out our front window! We have a cute little park right across the street!
My front door!
My bathroom/laundry room. When we moved in this room had a boring rectangle plain mirror, boring light fixture, lame faucet and white walls. Not for long! As soon as we closed I headed to Home Depot and painted it up! Love the way it turned out!

The hallway that shows our front door from our living area!
Looking out to our gated patio area! Can't wait to have a barbecue!
Our kitchen Area
Kitchen / Living Area. If you haven't already figured it out our living room and kitchen is all one big room.
Our Living Area...I cant believe I took a picture with my couch looking like that and pillows on the floor! You can judge me...I totally judge myself!