Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Dear Little Sister,

I hope this is ok that I write this. I figure at least I am not writing it on your blog...(which I did write something, but I couldn't help it).
I want you to know that you have gone through something terrible. My biggest fear! I always wanted to be pregnant so badly...but...I always feared what would happen if I lost that baby. You my sister deserve nothing like this!
I have to admit..when you told me you were pregnant...I was Happy...but I was sad! I was jealous...and now I feel so guilty. When Mom told me that you would loose this pregnancy, this baby that you have wanted for so heart is completely broken for you!
If I could bare this pain for you...I would!
I do know how much you have wanted this....and you will have it! I know how hard it is to see that right me...but you will. This just has to happen for you!
I wonder sometimes why we are given certain trials and why we are supposed to experience things...I don't know why! I do know that when we finally have our babies..we will cherish them! More then anyone could.
Little sister you are going to have this...not now...but you will! I love you and I wish there was something I could do....I would do it!
My caseworker once told me last year after Cassie changed her mind. She told me to be sad..take that time and really be sad but then..don't be. She said it like it was just so simple...don't be! I liked that she said, because no one can say the right things. Everyone will try and make you feel better and it won't work. Just know that this is REALLY crappy but you will get through it!
Man...all seriousness aside...what kind of drugs did Mom take to screw up our fertility so badly! :)


Cassie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cassie said...

My heart breaks in to a million pieces for your sister. Such a hard and crappy thing to go through... But you are right. One day both of you will have your sweet babies to love on, and those little cousins will be the best of friends. Love ya Britt.

The Allen Family said...

Oh Brit - I'm so sorry. My heart really hurts for you both. It really just sucks that life has to be like that!! Love ya!

And oh yeah, seeing that picture of a chubby, adorable 2 year old who is now a tall, pretty 8 year old it just too cute. It is crazy how time flies way too fast!

lil megan said...

My heart hurts for both of you! And you nailed it to the T...having gone through these exact same trials, I would not wish it upon anyone. And the only thing anyone can really say is "I love you" nothing else helps and nothing else matters. I agree with what your case worker said, I wish I would have had that advice when I was going through it. But I love you both and I know that things will work out eventually, It's just really hard to hear that it's not when you want it too! If you see Meg give her a hug from me. And I hope things are continuing to go well for you, Meg has been keeping me somewhat in the loop, and I am super happy for you guys! And it's true once you finally get those precious babies you cherish them and you definitely don't take them for granted!

Cambridge said...

Brittney, this post gave me chills and made me want to cry for you and your sister. What a post filled with so much love. I am so happy for you and Morgan for your sweet Gavin. I want to come and see him in person.