I have been wanting to update my blog with a bunch of cute pictures of Gavin, and I still will but I needed to write this while I had a little bit of time.
I woke up this morning like I usually do with such a heavy heart full of grattitude for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. I have been blessed with the most beautiful baby who makes me happier then I ever thought I would be. For a long time I was a bitter, frustrated and angry person. Not only have I become a mother but I have become myself again. I feel like my old self that was positive, happy and cheerful! That has been such a huge breathe of fresh air...to feel like me!
My sister is expecting a baby in April and I am excited! For the first time in 7 years someone told me she was pregnant and I didnt hold back tears! I didnt have to put on a brave face. I was 100% excited and the best part....I can say to them...Oh you just wait until this...or this...my sister actually said to me once when I was bathing Gavin...your going to show me how to do this, right! That statement alone made me want to cry!
So yep....I am LOVING being a mom to the most beautiful baby. Its crazy how many people ask..."So how are you liking it?" I LOVE IT ya FOOL! Of course I do...is usually my response. :)
Well pictures soon to come...I gots to go now because my baby is rolling all over the place and I almost done building his bubble room that he will spend the next 18 years in...dont worry...its really nice!!
For a long time now I have been trying to put my feelings into words. Every time I try...my words just feel in adequate. To say that I heart adoption seems not strong enough...to say that adoption has changed my life...sounds better!
When Morgan and I were trying to conceive a child with the help of drugs (not even the good kind), doctors, blah blah...adoption was the furthest from my mind. I would actually get so offended when people would say that to me. When we FINALLY, and I say finally because it took me far to long, FINALLY turned it over to the Lord...we realized Adoption was going to be our path. It was like Heavenly Father smacked me on the back of my head and said it was about time. The two years we waited for our baby we went on quite the roller coaster. Even leading up to his birth was hard. Even though our birth mom never gave me one indication that she was changing her mind...I still was nervous. I had reason to be...I had two failed placements under my belt. I knew the dark side of adoption....I had experienced it. The day Gavin was born we went over to my Mom and Dads house on the way home from the hospital to show them pictures...and my Mom said to me, "I don't think you should adopt again. I dont know if I can take it." I said to her, "Mom, wait until you meet him. He was totally worth it."
And that explains it best....He was worth every bad day, every tear, every doubt...He was so worth it!
On really bad days I would call my caseworker MaryAnne and cry to her...and she would tell me that this will all be worth it. She was totally right. Before Gavin came I was at times a bitter and mean person. I was the person people hated to share happy news with. I could never go to baby showers and baby blessings...and if I did I would be fighting back the tears waiting until I could get my car and get the hell out of there. Gavin and the miracle of adoption has mended my heart! I say mended because I still get a little sad when women get pregnant so easily but now that sadness only lasts a second and then I cuddle my sweet baby! The baby I know I held in the pre-existence and put my faith in Heavenly Father to make sure he got to me.
So would I do it again...if the result was as Awesome as Gavin....I totally would! I would do it all over again and wait double the amount of time. I love that baby more then I ever thought I could. I don't take one day for granted. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face so excited to see my little man! And the very very best part is that he is just as excited to see me!!
My most favorite room/project that I have EVER done!
This was easier then it looks...
My most favorite thing in this room....
This chair was given to me from My Grandparents that I
My favorite part of the room...
Dresser that we turned into a changing table as well!
The day that changed my life...
That is when my life changed forever! I knew the second that I held him that he was mine! I knew that my Heavenly Father had found a way to get that baby into my arms! I wish I could describe the feeling that I had but I still can not find the adequate words.
So where do I start....
Well I guess from the beginning...
On December 22nd we went to our friends house Eric and Amber to meet there new baby Mason. As we left Morgan and I got in the car and looked at each other...we gave a look like, who is going to have to say it first. And that "it" wasn't, I want a baby or when are we going to have a baby like it usually was...the "it" was, I am exhausted just watching them! It was then that we decided that if it was just going to be the two of us for the rest of our lives that...wait for it...we would be ok! It had taken us 6 years to even say the words let alone actually believe it....and we did believe it.
So there we were the next night December 23rd eating some dinner talking about what we needed to pack for our cruise, when I got a text. The text said...
Hi my name is Erica, heard that you want to adopt a baby?
It was at that point that I looked straight up and said, Lord you really do have a sense of humor.
Let me back up...about a month before my brother had called me at work and said that his co-worker had a friend that was wanting to place a baby for adoption. She had picked another couple but was feeling frustrated with them. My brother asked if he could give her some info about us. I had just finished our adoption blog and so I told him to give her that info and if she wanted to get a hold of us then he could give her my number. After that I immediately put it out of my mind...this had happened lots of times and nothing ever came from it so it was automatic for me to forget. Well after that Erica looked at our blog and wanted to meet us. My brother would only give her our info if she was 100% serious about this. He didn't want to get my hopes up for nothing...what a good brother I have!
So back to the text...
We started texting just little things and decided to meet for dinner when we got back from our cruise. On June 8th we meet at our favorite mexican restaurant Morelias. Well she knew what we looked like but we had no idea what she looked like. We walked in and there she was. They tell you when you start the adoption process that you will find YOUR birth mom. Well I had no reason to believe that until this point...I knew she was the one like I knew that I wanted to marry Morgan. Dinner was amazing..barely ate anything...it felt like we were having dinner with friends. At dinner she gave me ultra sound pictures of the little babe. (Earlier in the week she had called us to tell us that she had found out that it was a baby boy.) We didn't talk about any specific things we just told funny stories and tried to get to know each other. After dinner was over Morgan and I sat in the car and cried. The tears didn't come right away they came after a long silence. I sat there feeling so many emotions...emotions I still can not put into words.
We started texting almost every day, went bowling and Dr appointments. I was able to go to her 20 week ultra sound...sat there with my mouth wide open, completely amazed of what a miracle pregnancy was.
Erica became a part of our family, we still feel that way. Going through her pregnancy (well 26 weeks of it) with her was bitter sweet. She would send me the sweetest texts that would say, We both miss you..Gavin needs to hear his Mommy's voice. Heavenly Father carried us through this. It felt so natural...I truly felt that my Heavenly Father had brought her to me.
So first what you need to do is gather your supplies:
This project seems like it would take a lot of time...it really doesn't. I rolled all of the paper while I watched the movie Hairspray. And to actually complete the wreathe only took me 1 Greys Anatomy episode and 1 episode of Project Runway....Yes this is how I measure my time. It's just something simple you can work on while you catch up with your DVR.
Then I start pinning the paper in. I only use one pin in either end of the paper. I usually start on the outside edge and work in. It doesn't matter which way you start. Its easier to do one direction and then go another way but by the time you are done you will just be shoving in paper anywhere that needs it. When you start to get toward the middle I will place the pin in the middle of the curl so it will lay flatter. This way is also good to fill in space.
When you have all of your paper pinned in...and make sure you go back and cover up any holes you left on the wreathe. The good thing is that this wreathe is very east to manipulate and shape the way you want it. I usually put my ribbon on first before I start pinning but it doesn't matter. I usually never do the back of this wreath because I want it to hang flat. If you have a door or window that you are hanging it on and will see the reverse then go ahead and do the back..you will probably need 3 extra sheets of paper. MAKE SURE...you can not see any of the wreath from the side...huge pet peeve!
I hope this is ok that I write this. I figure at least I am not writing it on your blog...(which I did write something, but I couldn't help it).
I want you to know that you have gone through something terrible. My biggest fear! I always wanted to be pregnant so badly...but...I always feared what would happen if I lost that baby. You my sister deserve nothing like this!
I have to admit..when you told me you were pregnant...I was Happy...but I was sad! I was jealous...and now I feel so guilty. When Mom told me that you would loose this pregnancy, this baby that you have wanted for so long...my heart is completely broken for you!
If I could bare this pain for you...I would!
I do know how much you have wanted this....and you will have it! I know how hard it is to see that right now...trust me...but you will. This just has to happen for you!
I wonder sometimes why we are given certain trials and why we are supposed to experience things...I don't know why! I do know that when we finally have our babies..we will cherish them! More then anyone could.
Little sister you are going to have this...not now...but you will! I love you and I wish there was something I could do....I would do it!
My caseworker once told me last year after Cassie changed her mind. She told me to be sad..take that time and really be sad but then..don't be. She said it like it was just so simple...don't be! I liked that she said, because no one can say the right things. Everyone will try and make you feel better and it won't work. Just know that this is REALLY crappy but you will get through it!
Man...all seriousness aside...what kind of drugs did Mom take to screw up our fertility so badly! :)
This was Rorie a couple of months ago...Yes her and her uncle are texting on there phones!!
Guest Bedroom Now
Kitchen/Dining Area
Bekah has come up with a fantastic idea!! She is going to go on 30 dates before her 30th birthday. On said birthday she will bring with her a guy who stood out among all of the others. Kind of like a small version of the Bachelor for active Mormons.
I don't really now any single guys her age so I am asking for your help! Her blog which will be documenting all dates is...http://www.beks30in30.blogspot.com/
I love this girl and think she is super cute, FUN and all around a good catch!
So spread the word!
Hello everyone its my first blog in a long while. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there, but don't take this blog as hinting at anything or maybe you can (wink..wink). I love my wife and knew that when I married her I would have a good mother on my hands. Here is a list of why I think this:
1. Number one she is the most caring and thoughtful person I know.
2. Though sometimes it may be difficult, she loves everyone including me. I think she may even like our new dog Lucy.
3. She has the Magna scrappyness to whip some kids into shape. (I am not hinting at corporal punishment or anything, but she won't take any crap)
4. If we have girls they will always look pretty, because Brittney always takes the time to look beautiful every time she gets ready for the day.
5. She will support our children no matter what, because she has done that for me while I have done school for about half of my life. I can see the light though.
6. Obviously the kids will always be clean.
7. Most importantly our kids will have beautiful rooms, because she has some design chops.
This list could go on and on, but I just wanted to say that I am excited to raise children with her and can't wait for that to happen. Love you baby!! XOXOXOXOX
So this year I am starting early in this request. I thought it would be a perfect time because most people de-clutter after the new year...right?? Anywho...Morgan and I will be having another yard sale in May to save some extra money for our adoption fees. If you have anything you would like to donate...(It would be much appreciated). We did pretty good 2 years ago.
Anything will help!
Thanks my peeps!
My New Year Resolution was to talk more like a gangsta...made some I could actually reach this year :)
Word!!
