Monday, June 1, 2009

Mommy Club Part 2

I feel like I should title these long drawn out blog entry's the same thing. Only because...if you see the title you will say to yourself....Brittney is a bummer today and you will click the back button on your computer and move on to someone else's blog. Full of love, joy and overwhelming happiness.
As a in-fertile person...I have some bad days. Not like any of you people reading this dont have your bad days...I fully acknowledge that everyone has them and everyone has there own problems. I just feel like I am in a club and I am one of those nerdy girls that everyone is nice to but really hopes to never be caught alone with that girl afraid she will invite you do something.
Today I am sad, I am feeling sorry for myself. I am starting to become im-patient again. Yes, I said AGAIN! I thought that I had gotten over all of this (in-fertile) stuff. YEA RIGHT!! I was in deep denial!! I know that I have every right to be im-patient and sad. The thing that scares me is that....I was once in a very bitter deeply sad place in my life. I call it...Fertility Hell!! I am so afraid that I am on my way back there. I do not want to be that person! I want to be able to know that when people I know (Especially people I deeply care for) announces to me that they are expecting there bundle of joy, I will have a lagitimate smile on my face. How sad for the person on the other end who is so excited to tell a person like me that they are prego and I immediatly bust into tears. BUZZ KILL! People that are expecting should be excited, Hell..I would be shouting it from the roof tops! I would put it on the jumbo tron and the next sporting event. IN-FERTILE BRITTNEY THOMPSON...CENCEIVES CHILD!! It would be on the news! I don not want to go back to that person!
I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father who lets me have these days, moments and hours to feel sorry for myself. Because without fail, he lets me and then he immediatly wraps his arms around me! I am just in the feeling sorry for myself stage. I need a miracle to happen! I need to have that....It was totally worth it moment! I need to not be that nerdy girl who wants into the Mommy Club so badly! I need to be that Mom who remembers the days without the craziness.
Thanks for letting me vent...to share my feelings! My poor husband...All he can say now is...I know Honey!

7 comments:

Cassie said...

I'm sorry Brit. These days can be so rough. That miracle is TOTALLY coming! In the mean time, we'll have Thursday, where we can drink ourselves in to oblivion (raspberry lemonade, pepsi... liquor... ha ha)and plan for those mommy days that are going to be here soon. Hang in there! Love ya!

The Allen Family said...

Wish I could give you a hug...

Amber and Eric said...

Brittney, We love you! We have been thinking of you and Morg a lot lately, and now I know why. Please call us if you need anything. I know that you know that we are busy, but we can work anything out to help you. Please call if you need anything.

Lots of love!

Brittney said...

Love you!!

Kelly Stubbs said...

I'm sorry Brittney, I want to hang out with you :)

Melissa Sorensen said...

I think your adoption profile sounds great, You guys will been great parents when it happens. Please don't lose hope, I have three friends that were blessed thorugh adoption after some time. Your time will come. If you'd like to talk to them they would be happy to help you, just listen, or whatever.

Kev, Meg and Ty said...

Can I just say that I totally echo everything you just said. That being said I know that I already have a child so it's a little different, but the second time around seems to be a lot harder. After 2 years of yet again the medications and fertility treatments and still no baby I have reached the deep dark depressed stages too, so if you ever need to vent I am here to listen. At least you are better about being open about it than I am. Love ya Britt and I'm there with you.