Friday, April 25, 2008

The "Mommy" Club

Let me first start this blog by saying that I have not one intent on making anyone feel bad. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and have wanted to write about it (putting things out there in words is such therapy) but have been very hesitant because most of the people that might run across my blog are indeed in fact a part of that club.
My visiting teacher was here on Sunday and said to me that as long as we are righteous that Heavenly Father will not withhold any blessings from us. That struck a very sensitive cord for me! This coming from my very pregnant visiting teacher. She is very sweet and beautiful and has no idea that in my head I am wondering why she deserves to have a baby and I do not. I am perfectly aware that the Lord is trying to teach me something and he doesn't give us anything we can not handle. But come on... I am throwing my hands in the air!
I sit in church and look at all of the ladies my age talking with one another about how cute there babies are and what percentage in size they are and yada yada yada! I tried jumping into a conversation with two members of the club once by complimenting one of them on there new haircut. Well I was given the look! The look I have received many a time... That I don't fit into this conversation. Like heaven forbid we talk about something else.
Please believe me when I say I do not want to take away from any ones happiness I just really want some of my own. I find my self looking at other peoples blog and the pictures of there cute little families and I get so jealous! I am finding myself in a very bitter place. A place I do not want to be in. I want to be in the middle of all of the yada yada baby talk! And I swear if one more person gives me advice on how I can get pregnant I might physically loose it!
As I am writing this I am thinking about deleting it all and writing about something cheery instead. This is my very honest side! There are a lot of women out there that are going through this same thing! That is the club I am apart of! And no offense but a club I no longer want to be a member of! So to all of you women who are in the club with me...Hi my name is Brittney and I am fertility challenged!!

5 comments:

Dillon and Christie said...

Oh Brittney, sheesh, I can't believe that your visiting teacher said that! In fact, I think I'll just email you. Big hugs Britt!

Cassie said...

Welcome to the club. Sorry it's not a very prestigious one. It's one that very few understand, though many think they do. It's also one you will forever belong to, even after you are able to join the mommy club. When you belong to both clubs, it is then your job to be the listening and understanding ear to those following the path you've already trudged through.

It's a hard path to walk, Brit, and I'm sorry you have to. Infertility isn't something I'd wish upon anybody. I am glad that you're sharing your feelings on the subject. It IS good therapy. VERY good therapy. So is talking it out. :) Call me any time.

Lots of love to you my dear.

Anna Heywood said...

I am proud of you for being honest and true to yourself in this post. To me that what blogging is all about, keeping up with friends, and being a friend is about the ups and the downs. I think many people who run across your blog will really appreciate your honesty here. Good for you! I wish you the best of luck in your very righteous desire.

Rebekah said...

Hello! :)

First of all - thanks so much for commenting on my blog, it's silly but comments absolutely make my day! Second - Yes please! Let's get together soon. In fact, let's just set the date right now - how about if we meet for lunch on Saturday, May 31st? Third - I have to tell you, I am so glad you wrote this particular post. Lately I've been feeling kind of like that too. Of course we are in completely different boats here, but I think we still want the same thing and it get so frustrating, doesn't it? Be strong and if you have a day when you just want to scream, call me and I'll try to cheer you up. :) That or maybe I'll just be a hater right along with you. ha ha ha

Talk to you soon. :)

Arin and Troy said...

Hi Brittney,

I know you don't know me, but I am a friend of Bekah's and have been doing a little "blog stalking" today. :) I read this post and I just had to comment since I am also a member of the club! My husband and I have been trying for over a year and have experienced nothing but miscarriages. :( Good luck in your quest to be a part of the Mommy Club and in the meantime, just be a superstar aunt to your adorable nieces! :)